Hearing

A couple of weeks ago I took Fox to CHOP for another hearing test. He had one last winter, but he screamed pretty much the entire time which made it very difficult for the audiologist to get accurate results. He did much better this time, actually sitting quietly and paying attention... and he passed with no trouble. Of course I'm grateful that he doesn't have hearing problems, but I must say that there was a small part of me that hoped he did. At least then there would be an explanation for why he still isn't saying any words. He was saying "mama" a few weeks ago, but that has stopped and he is back to no words. At least if I knew it was his hearing maybe it could be helped with hearing aids or surgery and I wouldn't be left feeling quite so helpless. It's hard for me to feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can and it still isn't good enough. This isn't something I can just magically fix, and that's hard for me. I just hope that in his own time things will eventually come together and he'll start saying some words... I think he will... it's just scary to worry that maybe it won't ever happen. If I knew he would talk but that it just wouldn't be until he was 4 years old, I would be ok with that... it's just this not knowing that is so, so difficult. But then I remind myself that either way he's my adorable, smart, affectionate, curious, mischievous, best-hugger-in-the-whole-wide-world little boy... the perfect little boy for me, and I love him with all my heart.

xo Betsy